I have finally bought into the belief that I am a food addict. I view food just like an alcoholic views alcohol and a drug user views heroin. The thought of eating gets a hold of me and I lose all ability to stop eating. It is like someone else in in control of my body and is making it eat what ever the food is I crave.
This really happens a lot when I am stressed at work. We have a vending machine that calls me with the sweet siren sound of relief when I am stressed. I usually don't even taste the candy bar or chips but the instant I start putting them in my mouth I feel better. It has a calming affect on me like nothing else. I instantly start to feel calm and good.
It is only later that I feel regret and disgust at what I have done. I know logically that if I eat junk I will hate myself but this addiction has such a hold on me that I can not stop it. Thinking about what I am writing makes me realize I am speaking just like an alcohoic or drug addict would. It is the same words they use. This is the same disease I am fighting and I need help. I can not do this alone. I need a lifelong program that allows me ways to feel relaxed without eating. I need to find out what my triggers are and stop those triggers from sending me over the edger into food oblivion.